ABOUT THE BOOK
As an ER nurse for thirty-two years, I understand death. I have seen death at its most horrific, most shocking, and most senseless level. I have also seen patients whose last countenances bear the very manifestation of peace. I understand death as it pertains to the family desperately trying to process the information that their loved one has not survived. I have seen this played out violently as well as in total silence. I now understand death in a totally different way, in a personal way. I know how death can completely turn your whole world on its axis, leaving you feeling somehow farther from light and more affected by the pull of gravity. Overcoming the inertia that is grief, to complete even the smallest task, is overwhelming. Breathing is exhausting. Thinking, if done at all, seems stuck in a downward spiral from which extrication is impossible.
My husband, John, died suddenly and unexpectedly nearly three years ago. In the early days, the raw days, there was not a second of time that my entire life wasn’t processed through the lens of grief. Every facet of my being was consumed. Grief was not the tidy, linear process that I had studied. In this dark realm of chaos, I found there was only one thing I could do: Cry. Out. To. Jesus. I cried out to Him with constant prayers of guttural pleadings to carry me through each moment in time. Walking every step through that valley with Jesus was intentional. The path was difficult; it was often completely overwhelming. Yet it was so worth it. Writing about the journey and sharing my thoughts while in the midst of it was like the slow folding of that ever-present shroud of grief. It allowed me to compact it in to a form that fits in my heart and can be carried with me, neither overwhelming nor overburdening as greatly as it once did. These are those writings, pieces of my heart that I shared.
Grieving is a process that takes time and effort and intentionality. It is different for each person because each person’s grief is so vastly different. I think when people talk about the work of grieving, this is what they are talking about. It is not just saying a prayer occasionally or reading your Bible more. It is allowing yourself to be present and even totally consumed by your grief for a time. It is living through the lens of grief while grieving through the lens of faith that enables us to move forward with our grief. This is the most important work we can do because, in the end, it isn’t only about the grieving, it is about the living; It is about finding the goodness and beauty that still exist in the world and celebrating them with your one life.
